Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
