He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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