I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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