You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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