should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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