I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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