FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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