My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
