I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
