I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
