Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
