So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
