I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
