Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
