so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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