i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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