I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Farmville is her only friend.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
