Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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