the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
