youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
