We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
