Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
