I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
