what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
