Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
