My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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