atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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