It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
