They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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