Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
