I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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