those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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