Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
