Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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