If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
