Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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