The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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