What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
