alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
pray to the hookup gods
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
