Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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