Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
