you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
