If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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