She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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