how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
