based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
