i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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