Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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