Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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