I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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