i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
as a side note pls kill me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
