I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
